We’ve pulled IMPOSTORS! from the 60’s, 70’s and 00’s. I needed to check off the 1980’s so I went about scouring my thought bubbles for a movie that would satisfy the demands of a #Bond_age_ live tweet. Spoofs were too difficult to tweet. Fun, but they turned into a quote festival. So Top Secret probably didn’t make much sense. Spies Like Us had some potential. After those two what other secret agent movies had any legitimate assortment of thrills and laughs? The decade was littered with anti-Bonds and dour seriousness. Gotcha! starring a pre-Top Gun Anthony Edwards? How about Chuck Norris in Invasion U.S.A.? Hopscotch has been mentioned before, and I almost pulled the trigger as it portrays a retired agent in his later years. …but then I thought of Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins. Perfect. Fred Ward. Joel Gray playing an Asian. Wilford Brimley. Tightrope walking dobermans. It had to be done… but if you tweet it, will they come?
INITIATE #BOND_AGE_ IMPOSTOR #11: THE REMO WILLIAMS LIVE TWEET DIGEST
On tap for tonight. Unclog bathroom sink. Work out. Make tea. Watch #RemoWilliams. Get hype, Wednesday night.
— James David Patrick (@30hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
SAY HELLO TO #REMOWILLIAMS! INITIATE #BOND_AGE_ IMPOSTOR #11.
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
oh good, the movie’s been formatted to fit my square TV i haven’t had for six years. #bond_age #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
@GregMcCambley That’s called the #RemoWilliams #MindFuck.
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Welcome to Dick Clark’s Rockin’ #RemoWilliams!
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
The adventure begins and, given the distinct lack of sequels, ends as well. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble I’m not your guy, friend. #bond_age #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
Fred Ward. Mustache. Easy jazz. Yeah… we’re in the 1980’s m’f’ers. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@GregMcCambley @007hertzrumble I thought Danny Trejo was the 80s Danny Trejo.
— Nicolle (@ragazzadiparola) April 3, 2014
“@GregMcCambley: Fred Ward was the 80s Danny Trejo, make no mistake. #RemoWilliams” Yeah, but Trejo makes severe acne look manly.
— John Drummond (@4eyesJohnny) April 3, 2014
When Fred Ward squints like that he can castrate a punk at 40 feet. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Sherman Hemsley is not amused. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
“You were ugly. Now you’re just ‘not pretty.’” #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
I thought the 11th commandment was “Thou shalt not order edible arrangements.” #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
i could do better bruise makeup than that. #bond_age #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
We couldn’t get Bobby De Niro, so we got you. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
@GregMcCambley Remo rocks!! #RemoWilliams pic.twitter.com/nKi0uUUMkY
— Sam King (@sinshadow32) April 3, 2014
this. music. is. amazing. #bond_age #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
I’m sorry, Guy Hamilton, but somebody needs to speak with a British accent, and soon! #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
#RemoWilliams is based upon characters from a series of spy/fantasy novels called THE DESTROYER.
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
There are more than 140 DESTROYER novels created by Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
LOL…555-1000 #bond_age #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble That we know of. As I’ve said, they’re that secret of an organization. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
Joel Gray was offered the role of Chiun many times before accepting. He had no martial arts training & received none for movie #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
“In and out, like a duck mating?” Spent a long time studying ducks having sex, have you? #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
The Wachowski’s inspiration for THE MATRIX right here, ladies and gents. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
The 80’s were all about Asian sensitivity. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@AnnaRenee Sex-Ed by #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
i asked my mom and she said ‘because duck are…uhhhh…very fast swimmers’ #RemoWilliams LOL
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
If Charlie Chaplin ever played an Asian martial arts master, I think he’d look like Joel Grey. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
You move like a pregnant yak. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
The main villain is a weapons manufacturer? How could this happen in a movie during the Reagan era? #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
I would have watched the show. 🙂 RT @LeHah: @007hertzrumble I assume you’ve seen the pilot: http://t.co/D6IDeXarhM #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@GregMcCambley Brimley sits in the dark, listening to baseball and smoking cigars. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Lesson #2. We jump off building. Short movie. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@AnnaRenee Nobody plays fortune cookie like Fred Ward. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Ducks having sex? Pregnant yaks? Breed? This movie is all about animal husbandry, isn’t it? #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
Now we invent parkour. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble Is that the one where you wear only an open bathrobe to force your opponents into submission? That’s just fighting dirty.
— Zap Rowsdower (@ZapActionsdower) April 3, 2014
I’m guessing the phrase “Fred Ward shows his ass to the camera” was sprinkled liberally throughout the script. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
The computer from Person of Interest could totally kick their system’s ass. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
So he’s talking about gluten, right? #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@AnnaRenee She rocks that sucker like nobody else. She’s the Jennifer Aniston of wearing hair in a bun. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
Chiun is just the I CHING of the 21st century. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble And it only took them about 30 years to recover from it. #RemoWillams
— Zap Rowsdower (@ZapActionsdower) April 3, 2014
Commandant Lassard deemed this obstacle course too “goofy” for his recruits. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
I. Was. Going. To. Be. An. All-American. #shatnerschoolofacting #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
Remo Williams got some jazz hands. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
Starting #tbt early… Bloody #80s cheated me out of a #REMOWILLIAMS sequel! http://t.co/m6N9LWFPYR
— Kareem Harper (@KareemHarper) April 3, 2014
Joel Gray kills in this movie. He cracks me up. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
How nice of them to clearly label their defective weapon. To make returning it simple, no doubt. #RemoWilliams
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) April 3, 2014
William Hickey just makes every movie. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
“I can say ‘rat droppings’ but that does not mean I want to eat them.” #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
kate mulgrew don’t take no shit from nobody. #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
We now join THE KARATE KID, already in progress. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
OH MY GOD IT’S A 30-FOOT WORM! Nevermind, It’s just Fred Ward. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@GregMcCambley Chiun would say it’s because you eat rat dropping in can that you are tired. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
The word “Buttons” tickles Kate Mulgrew… down there… #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
“Save that bullshit for the Upper East Side”? Being rather sideist, aren’t we? #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
In the remake those construction workers will be played by Judge Doom’s cartoon weasels. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@SteveTowsley For so many decades. And then we just cast Pat Morita in every role. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
‘one of these days, you’re gonna die laughing’ #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
They’re going to defeat #RemoWilliams with cacophony.
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
There’s actually some pretty nice camerawork in this sequence, Guy Hamilton. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Pay attention because that’s probably the last time I pay Guy Hamilton a compliment. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
The most complicated thing about this movie is the scoring in this sequence. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Good lord, someone tune that instrument. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble Is anyone drinking their own urine?
— Nicolle (@ragazzadiparola) April 3, 2014
@ragazzadiparola Not on screen. I can’t vouch for Fred Ward off camera. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Wilford Brimley is that absolute worst boss. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Weeeeee. Flying dobermans. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Cue 80’s synth. Time to make shit awesome! #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
when the dogs pull down the ladder…that is *my* favorite part of the movie #lol #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
It was good of Scaramanga to let them use his lair for filming. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Well, I’m Army, but the intelligence part is debatable. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
This guy needs to get punched in the face. Can we make that happen, #RemoWilliams?
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
I’m #RemoWilliams and I’m going to run through armored doors. Watch me soar.
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@SteveTowsley I also enjoy movies that imagine franchise. See LEONARD PART 6. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
I F’ING LOVE THAT HE USES THE GUY’S DIAMOND TOOTH TO UNDERMINE THE INTEGRITY OF THE GLASS. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Annnnd this is my mom’s favorite part of the movie. #diamondsareforever #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
“I haven’t eaten this good in weeks. Not since I learned about rat droppings.” #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
he totally grabbed her boob…#RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
I’m really not sure how we thought, in 1985 even, that casting Joel Gray in this role was super okay. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Rednecks dropping a Lee Iacocca. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble The movie is an incredible split between unacceptable 80s schlock and totally wonderful 80s schlock.
— Mr LeHah (@LeHah) April 3, 2014
I can’t handle this scene. It’s so awesomeful. There’s just too much to tweet. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Slowest. zipline. ever. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
For those not watching: #RemoWilliams is hanging off of a tree, sliding down a zipline at 5mph and being shot at by a gatling gun.
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Squib squib squib SQUIB #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
He’s (VERY SLOWLY) getting away, George! #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble He was supposed to be in the movie, but the plan didn’t come together.
— Franklin Harris (@FranklinH3000) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble I’m batman…wait, no, Remo Williams, I’m #RemoWilliams
— Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) April 3, 2014
Meanwhile back at HQ, Wilford Brimley pushes buttons. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
And now a very special episode of JUST THE CHIUN OF US. #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
Final line. Brilliant. “Chiun, you’re incredible.” “No. I am better than that.” #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
This song, btw, “What If” by Tommy Shaw is not on the official soundtrack. WTF, #AmIRight? #RemoWilliams
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble can you imagine how his agent pitched that film to Ward? “Hey they liked you in The Right Stuff, wanna be in this?”
— Mr LeHah (@LeHah) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble Then again, I also sort of like Force10 From Navarone but even that is terrible.
— Mr LeHah (@LeHah) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble And that was the movie with tight-rope walking Dobermans.
— Mr LeHah (@LeHah) April 3, 2014
DENIS! salutes Fred Ward and Joel Gray for keeping a straight face and @AnnaRenee. #RemoWilliams pic.twitter.com/wVI2ctyRY6
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) April 3, 2014
@007hertzrumble but you are on fire! Really made me wish I could’ve joined the #RemoWilliams watch-and-tweet party. *fistbump*
— Eliza Doolittle (@blueboxfever) April 3, 2014