We here at the #Bond_age_ lair got caught up in setting up the DANGER: DIABOLIK live tweet last night and forgot to post our Birthday greetings for the great Sir Roger Moore. In my house we’ve instituted the Mardi Gras birthday tradition in which a birthday celebration lasts all week. This concept works because friends and family of the birthday girl/boy do not feel they have to put life on hold for one day. Things happen. Obligations (like a DANGER: DIABOLIK live tweet, perhaps) happen. Birthday wishes are welcome all week. Likewise the birthday girl/boy can claim day of birth privileges for seven full days, no questions asked. So, that said, how can we best celebrate your Mardi Gras Birthday, Party Moore?
Happy 88th to the hardest working Bond in the business. May you live to be 1000 years old, sir.
Here’s a clip collection of some of Moore’s best one-liners as Bond. I didn’t do it, but enjoy all the same.
Offical #TheFutureIsNow Back to the Future Day Live Tweet & Blogathon Info
Teaser Trailer:
The Live Tweet Deets:
The live tweet organizations Trash Tuesday, #Bond_age_, and The Drive-In Mob (with TCMParty providing promotional and word-of-mouth assistance) have formed like Voltron to celebrate Back to the Future Day on October 21st, 2015 — the day Marty McFly goes… TO THE FUTURE! For all live tweet events, we will use the hashtag #TheFutureIsNow. Each organization might tack on their respective traditional hashtag as necessary. The goal, however, is to take over the Interwebs with Back to the Future shenanigans beginning on October 20th. Each live tweet double feature begins at 8pm ET.
October 20th:
hosts “Trash-Time Continuum” featuring Kung Fury and Back to the Future.
October 21st:
hosts a “Spy Travel” double feature of Time Bandits and Back to the Future II.
October 22nd:
hosts a double feature of Frankenstein Unbound and Back to the Future III.
The #TheFutureIsNow Blogathon:
This is rather open-ended prompt. We’re looking for odes to Back to the Future, any other time travel movies, or radical space-time theories. No shackles on this topic. We’re looking for bloggers to go wherever Back to the Future inspires them to go. The deadline for essays/memoirs/ruminations will be October 22nd. If you’re interested in participating contact me on Twitter (@007hertzrumble) or leave a comment on this page stating your intent and tentative topic.
Please use and abuse the below badges to spread the word on your respective site!
Well, the writing had indeed been on the wall for some time now so to speak. My fears about this very event were well documented on multiple #Bond_age_Pods. Yesterday my fears were all but confirmed.
Millennial crooner du jour, Sam Smith, has been confirmed by our #Bond_age_ overlords as the singer of the SPECTRE theme song with this damning piece of evidence.
Now I may seem like a crotchety curmudgeon regarding this news, standing out on my porch, yelling at whippersnappers to get off my lawn. A baseball bat resting against my porch swing if one of them gets too close to my property with their gluten-free beer. I’m not just a movie and Bond fan, I’m a mass consumer of music as well. I’ve documented my favorite songs of the year for each of the last so many years on my bl-g at thirtyhertzrumble.com. I’ve been doing a Top 100 each year for the last 10. I’m often the oldest dude at the concerts I attend. My point here is that I’m not the guy that stopped listening to modern music after college. My tastes do not remain in cryostasis from the year 2001. The thought of being stuck forever with the music of the late 90’s and early 00’s makes me break out in cold sweats. If Bond has been my “thing” for the last few years, obsessive music consumption has always been “a” thing.
Some Twitter acquaintances have suggested that I would have hated any artist chosen for the SPECTRE theme. I disagree. I’ve not disagreed with a choice of the Bond song since Sheryl Crow did the Tomorrow Never Dies theme. (And, for the record, I believed Madonna could come up with a cracking theme for Die Another Day.) For the most part I believe that given the right material, just about anyone can do the gig. But you must have the right material. There’s also a “type” of singer that does Bond right.
The questions I ask here are this:
1. Do you believe this artist is a natural fit for Bond?
(No. I do not.)
2. Do you tolerate/listen to this artist?
(I find his critical and commercial success baffling.)
Everyone will have different answers to these questions that will lead them to different conclusions about the viability of an artist to “do Bond.” If, ultimately, your answer takes the form of “He’ll probably be better than Madonna,” that’s not a ringing endorsement! The Twatterverse has offered that notion a few times as solace to my grief. As Kyle Turner (@TyleKurner) mentioned to me on Twitter – the Bond sound is malleable. And I agree completely; the songs that have become Bond standards comprise a wide variety of genre styles. Assessing “Bond worthiness” is gut reaction, a swift subjective analysis whether or not an artist can kick it with 007. Think about Elaine and “Spongeworthy.”
Now… is Sam Smith “Bondworthy?”
Many of you have confessed to not knowing anything about Sam Smith. For you, I embed his hugely, immensely, insanely popular single that probably won him the gig:
Sam Smith was picked to sell records. Sam Smith has sold many records. He will sell many more. I do not, for one instant believe, that music industry awards or record sales are an accurate measure of value. The Bond franchise has a history of picking hugely popular artists to perform theme songs rather than choosing artists that would fit the mold. Some of these have turned out well (see: Duran Duran). Some have not (See: Madonna, Sheryl Crow). Most fall into a middle ground between widespread approval and dislike. In the end, we’re only arguing subjective value and/or overarching popular opinion.
9:52 edit: I was probed further on Twitter (the comments were appreciated @JoeWatchesTV) with a specific question about WHY EXACTLY Sam wasn’t Spongeworthy. Fair question that I didn’t discuss at all. Generally the performers that create lasting Bond themes are dramatic performers. Male vocalists tend to be less precise, off-key, bombastic pop vocalists. I’m thinking of Duran Duran, Paul McCartney, Tom Jones. The femmes have huge vocal ranges. Shirley Bassey even called out Tina Turner for her lack of range in the GoldenEye theme. Chanteusey cat fight! Sam Smith meanwhile sings with a “sweet, tender vocal style.” He’s highly produced and been called “honey-toned.” Lyrically, I’ve found his songs full of lazy throwaway pop lyrics. People hear depth, I think, because of his wispy warble, but there’s really a lack of substance. (If you want to hear a wispy warble with some substance to the music, listen to Perfume Genius and then tell me how Mr. Smith holds a candle to that man’s musical and lyrical ability.) Can you name the last great Bond theme that came from anyone labeled “sweet” or “tender”? Rita Coolidge maybe? So the best we’re hoping for here is “All Time High” stripped of whimsy and saddled with some 21st century malaise?
Here’s why I’m troubled, beyond my lack of affection for his music. I feel that Sam Smith was only picked to sell records. Sam Smith was picked to sell records like Adele sold records. In no world is Sam Smith the same dynamic singer. In no world does Sam Smith’s slimy tentacles of appeal reach into Bond fans as he has popular culture. That means that this choice was made with only the latter in mind.
Consider the journey the Craig era has taken. Casino Royale reinvigorated the franchise with a bold new take on the James Bond character. The commercial appeal of the song artist wasn’t a huge consideration because the commercial viability had yet to be dertermined. They chose Chris Cornell. They chose an artist that they thought was right for the picture. Cornell was 9 years removed from the last Soundgarden record. 7 years removed from his first solo record. Audioslave’s debut record in 2002 had gone 3x platinum, but the sales of each subsequent album had dropped by 50%. Could you imagine a hard rock artist getting the nod today? Choosing Cornell was bold. I knew a lot of fans that balked at that selection too. Many people answered “No” to Question No. 1 regarding Chris Cornell. That might have been a fair assessment. But you couldn’t have accused Bond producers of pandering or playing it safe by choosing a pop-culture zeitgeist just to sell records.
1. Do you believe this artist is a natural fit for Bond?
(No. I don’t believe I did.)
2. Do you tolerate/listen to this artist?
(Yes. Soundgarden and Audioslave kicked out some jams.)
For Quantum of Solace, Bond went with a mismatched duet of Jack White and Alicia Keys. A bold choice that ultimately resulted in some fan backlash. Jack White, as the leader of the garage rock movement of the 2000’s, continued the harder edge that Cornell had begun. White was a critical darling with a fervent following outside the Top 40 landscape. Adding Alicia Keys always seemed confused (perhaps a nod to the more populist following that White eschewed). Two great artists, either of which could have turned out a great theme by themselves, with an uncertain center. I like the song despite some odd production decisions (“Shoot ’em up / bang bang!). I don’t think it’s a great Bond intro, however. The broader fan base dislikes the song with the same furor with which they (wrongly, perhaps) reserve for the film itself.
1. Do you believe this artist is a natural fit for Bond?
(Yes for White. After Cornell, I believed White’s guitar would do a theme justice. Yes for Keys. Killer pipes.)
2. Do you tolerate/listen to this artist?
(HELL YES for Jack White. Yes for Alicia Keys.)
In 2012, Adele was the biggest artist on the planet. A British chanteuse with a bold vocal range. Not only was she the obvious choice, she was the right choice. From a certain perspective the only choice. I don’t even remember any other names being bantered about at the time (though I’m sure that’s revisionist memory). Her theme for Skyfall offered the closest thing to Shirley Bassey (the I Ching of Bond themes) since maybe Tina Turner’s GoldenEye, but more likely since Bassey’s own “Diamonds Are Forever.” Question No. 1 and Question No. 2: YES. She also happened to win a metric ton of Grammy awards.
1. Do you believe this artist is a natural fit for Bond?
(YES. A 1000x YES.)
2. Do you tolerate/listen to this artist?
(Yes. I owned both Adele records.)
Welcome to today. Welcome to a world in which Sam Smith won a similar metric ton of Grammy awards and Bond producers seem to think they can catch lightning twice. Sam Smith is not the same artist as Adele. He just doesn’t have the same cross-generational appeal. I’m trying to compare him to any single recording artist that’s provided Bond theme. I first thought Matt Munro for uncertain reasons, but Munro had a bit of swing in his repertoire, more swagger. I’ve been staring at the list for a few minutes. I’ve come up empty… except for Sheryl Crow, the hugely popular artist of the hour that just didn’t fit the bill.
I hope I’m wrong. I hope it’s everything the Sam Smith fans and Positive Pollys say it could be. Now that the deal’s done and the song’s in the can, it’s time to get my head right and go into SPECTRE with an open mind, despite all the reservations that keep accumulating daily.
Another day, another lackluster SPECTRE teaser poster. Let’s trace this back to the roots.
Teaser #1:
The first teaser poster was unveiled at the Bond 24 presser. The name, cast and this beautifully simple recall to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service laced with the SPECTRE octopus logo were shown to fans for the first time. I can’t speak for everyone, but I was smitten with this design. The perfect “teaser” for the upcoming Bond film. A mix of old and new. And despite my reservations about bringing SPECTRE and Blofeld back into the fold, I found myself thinking that just maybe…. maaaaaybeeeee…. they could pull off this resurrection.
Teaser #2:
The second poster appears in a couple of different color variations. White background, color with a gray background. The general synthesis, however, is that Craigers is channeling Roger Moore in Live and Let Die (great!) but reminds heartily of Archer’s tactleneck obsession. It led #Bond_age_Pod to do an entire episode devoted to the Tactlenecks. (Also, you’re welcome for that, by the way.) While there’s little imagination at play here, the nostalgia works. I’ll give it a passing grade because this SPECTRE teaser just recalled the Roger Moore years, and a metric ton of general movie fans who’d sooner spit than admit Roger Moore was Bond ate it up.
Teaser #3:
This bring us to the reveal of this little ditty today. Hello, Craigers. Nice to see they have you just standing there admiring yourself in the mirror (Travis Bickle style) while a Day of the Dead skeleton looms behind you. Did it take your graphic artists all of 12 minutes to create that design? Two pictures. Fade one nicely into a hazy blue. Slap a sun-bleached Craigers on top. Done! Print! Send! While I support the use of imagery from the highly publicized Dia de los muertos scenes from the upcoming film, I abhor lazy movie poster design. Movies posters died in the 90’s when computer and photo-editing software rendered commissioned artists a frivolous expense. I ranted about this very subject a bit on Twitter and boasted that I could do better with 20 minutes and a little bit of Photoshopping. So I gave myself 20 minutes and came up with this:
click for the larger image
Truth time. This took me 27 minutes. If I was doing this for anything other than for funsies, I’d make Daniel Craig fade more seamlessly into the background and I’d use the skeleton mask from the SPECTRE image. But I don’t have that original image. I’m not working for crazy dollars at some graphic design firm that MGM’s paying thousands of dollars to do… well… very little. I don’t blame the designers at all. They’re working on MGM’s dime and delivering a product according to specifications, very boring specifications.
Let’s go even further back, shall we?
@ThatNeilGuy reminded me during my movie poster rampage today that Bond also phoned in most of the Skyfall posters too. So I went back and reminded myself. The only Skyfall poster I truly remembered was the Advance.
Advance Skyfall:
Which, I consider pretty slick and rather iconic due to its minimalist simplicity. Then I realized why this was the only Skyfall poster I remembered vividly.
Oh look! It’s Craigers. Front and center. Same. Damn. Setup. Instead of a Day of the Dead skeleton or a blank background, it’s a slight variation on the gun barrel with a wee bit o’ London (is that MI-6?) slapped in, which you probably just overlooked until now.
By comparison, this poster’s balls to the wall. Craigers appears to be walking toward the camera! SLOW DOWN, CRAIGERS, YOU’LL WALK INTO THE CAMERA! Yet it’s another gun barrel backdrop. At least this one’s a little more visually appealing. If we’re being critical, however, there’s very little difference in overall technique and it appears that Bond’s Skyfall estate is being smeared around inside a gun barrel/subway tube. An allusion to the subway chase, perhaps. Maybe I should give this image a little bit more credit for including more than one element from the film. Even if those elements are largely unintelligible and wholly fail to catch the eye.
To me, Skyfall deserved a Saul Bass-variety treatment. I designed this as a Custom DVD cover for the #Bond_age_ Collection. (Not that this could be used as a movie poster for a major motion picture, of course.)
Overall, the takeaway from this post is not groundbreaking. The art of movie poster design is dead. It is; let’s not try to pretend otherwise. It lives on, however, in the aspiring artists and Photoshop masters that reside on the Interwebs. Search for any Bond movie and “fan art” and you’ll come up with dozens of inspired pieces of design. Digital art by people far more skilled than I, which just further begs the question… with all this skill and digital tools at our disposal why do studios fear visual innovation? There are dozens of online shops selling the work of amateur designers (mostly on t-shirts). The success of companies like Threadless and RedBubble is a testament to the fact that people recognize and appreciate quality design. Is this poster malaise happening for the same reasons that American Runs on Dunkin’ and the movie business runs on franchises, sequels and known commodities? Do the studios have hard evidence that stale, familiar movie posters sell more tickets? Or is it part of a greater underlying malaise of the patrons of film, that the general moviegoing public just doesn’t care anymore? That all we want to see are floating heads and the stars of the film front and center, recognizable instantly at 40 paces… or across a 20-screen multiplex.
I can’t be alone here. There must be a heavy wave of nostalgia for those old Bond posters, the too-busy design, the commissioned artwork, the action highlights laced throughout a gripping montage of baddies and babes. Share your favorite Bond posters in the comments. I’ll slap a few of my favorites below as a tribute to days, not so long ago, when poster design remained an art form instead of a mindlessly basic Photoshop exercise. (more…)
Not too many moons ago, I submitted this story to an anthology of James Bond stories called LICENCE EXPIRED. You see, it’s funny because they copywrite on the literary James Bond expired in Canada, thus allowing them to publish a collection of shorts with James Bond and all the references and character that appeared in the Ian Fleming texts. Neat, huh? I penned the following story, which failed to reach the limelight. I was told it reached the final stages of cuts before getting the axe because it was just too similar to other accepted submissions. So it goes. I wrote about my disillusionment after receiving this rejection over on my other bl-g. Apparently that too is worth reading because a bunch of people shared and liked it without threat from me. Anyway, because I was rejected over there, I’ll just have to share the story with the lot of you. Without further adieu, here’s my James Bond shortie, entitled The Bulgarian Tumble.
The Bulgarian Tumble
a short story by James David Patrick
James Bond found the man’s stench unbearable. Bond had been sitting on the bench in Penn Station for more than three hours. He felt uncomfortable. Restless. The man had arrived only minutes before. Despite the his attire; a suit, offensively bereft of taste but neat, paired with softly scuffed wingtips; he emitted a musk of cabbage and wilted rose petals that reminded Bond, although less favorably, of the Carpathian wrestler he’d worked with on the Yugoslavian affair in ’55. Bond couldn’t move. He couldn’t draw attention to himself. There were no fewer than a dozen empty pews littered throughout the station. Traffic through Penn had declined in recent years, but the general bustle remained.
Bond’s vantage offered a clear line of sight to the newsstand pushcart with its clerk, a bald tent pole boasting a windblown comb over. The nervous clerk sputtered about his piles of newspapers and magazines, lining and straightening the same stacks that hadn’t since been touched. Bond’s brief respite in New York had been interrupted by chatter on the wire about the KGB operating a drop and swap out of Penn Station. The maze of connected tunnels and destinations made it an ideal place to exchange or pass along stolen goods and information. M had suggested that Bond should “pitch in while already idling about on the Queen’s dime.” A stakeout with a nightcap comprised M’s idea of a paid vacation. (more…)
