You asked for James Bond Limericks?
No? Well, you’ll wish you had.

An offhand Twitter comment about James Bond Limericks led to a flurry of Limericking among #Bond_age_ fans today. Below you will find the (ongoing) fruits of our labors.


In the Living Daylights

we see an actor named Timothy.

He became Bond.

The public they yawned

and he left after two films, not three.



Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd

Killing was all they did.

They went after Bond

but both got pwned.

One died by a flipped lid.



There once was a dude called Chris Lee

Who numbered his mammaries three

Maud Adams was thrilled

After each man he killed.

Between deaths Nick Nack called out “Me!”



There once was a villain named Blofeld

whose villa was flooded by snowmelt

His dungeon was drenched

his henchmen wouldn’t flench

despite his best “Dr. No yell”


@p2wy, @kimmiechem2 & @007hertzrumble

There once was a Bond named Moore

whose actions one might deplore.

He starred in seven movies

and saw so many boobies

that you might call him a whore.



Twas a gal named Domino

with face of lilywhite snow

vowed to avenge

François’s bitter end and so,

killed evil Largo



There was a young man named Roger

who referred obliquely to his todger.

The girls they came.

The villains were tame.

And Grace Jones refused to be his lodger.



Bond adored a girl named Tanya

and said put this negligee on ya.

Then Red Grant boarded the train.

Their “romance” appeared in vain

until Red didn’t know his wine from Champagna.



There once was henchman named Jaws,

who almost had Bond in his claws.

He saved Bond in orbit

and splashed down to earth with

a buxom young blonde in his paws.



There once was a man named Lazenby,

who entered the franchise quite brazenly.

He grappled brilliantly with Kojak,

but did the audience to Connery go back?

They left George standing there holding his Dazenby


James Bond Limericks: Twitter phenomenon

by 007hertzrumble time to read: 1 min

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