Last Wednesday the #Bond_age_ crew tackled two of the Falcon mysteries from the 1940s as part of the Proto-#Bond_age_ series hosted by @MiddParent and @NitrateDiva. Starring Tom Conway as the Falcon, the series highlighted the dashing exploits of the Falcon and his mustache. Our first order of business: the Falcon in Danger Live Tweet.
INITIATE THE FALCON IN DANGER LIVE TWEET DIGEST, PROTO-#BOND_AGE_ VOLUME 3.
INITIATE MISSION on THE FALCON IN DANGER! #Bond_Age_ Buckle up for an awesome mustache!
— The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
#BOND_AGE_ #FalconinDanger Initiate mission and mustache appreciation. Time for The Falcon in Danger! — Fussy (@MiddParent) March 20, 2014
Okay, so quick background on the FALCON series: the role of the Falcon was first played by George Sanders in 1941… #Bond_age_ — The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
…but Sanders got the offer to do A movies and offered RKO his brother, Tom Conway, as a replacement Falcon for the series… #Bond_age_
— The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
QUICK USE THE FIRE HOSES! KEEP THE PLANE IN THE SKY WITH WATER! #Bond_age_
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
“With stops at Walla Walla and Kookamunga!” #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Did anyone else bring their own mustache? #Bond_age_ — Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
So was it common in the 40s for Milkmen to show up at airplane crashes? #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
Dear Editor: It’s hard for a plane to land when it crashes, so your headline is crap. #Bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Well, now’s the perfect time to talk about his Erectile Disfunction, then. #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Like brother George, Tom Conway was born in Russia. Their family fled during the revolution and the boys were raised in England. #Bond_age_ — The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
@NitrateDiva That plane model was extraordinarily charming. #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble He disappears pretty quickly with the blonde! #BOND_AGE_ #FalconinDanger
— Fussy (@MiddParent) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent @007hertzrumble Blondes have more Falcon. #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Cigars. Cigarettes. Party tricks. #Bond_age_ — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
You don’t see a good old fashioned ransom note like that anymore. #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
The note is really nicely done. The kidnapper has an excellent eye. #Bond_Age_ pic.twitter.com/y22vjICM2N
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
“Tell me. Why is it that every beautiful girl I meet wears some sort of animal or animal print?” #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@CulturalGutter It looks like snake fur. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble Presumably acquired during one of the Falcon’s adventures in the Hollow Earth. #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@tpjost Tom’s mustache is of the subtle variety… it’s like a line of single hairs on his upper lip. *Sigh* #Bond_Age_
— The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
@NitrateDiva ah. I see. I was waiting for a “real” mustache to show up. 😉 #Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/4ZB37WKoFC — Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
Another artful note. #Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/bTtdzp3rVD — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
I often keep dames in my pork pie hat as well. #Bond_age_
— Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
@GregMcCambley I think it’s not the note so much as the aesthetic sensibility revealed in the note’s construction. #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@ThatAndyRoss Gabillion Jillion? As in your 50 Cent cover band? #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble No, that’s the name of my Chumbawumba tribute band, the 50 Cent one is Buffalo Nickel. — Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
Of course he can ride a horse, he has a mustache. #Bond_age_
— Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent The Falcon works best…in the saddle. #Bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Someone should bring back the “Nurse rocking a cape” look. #Bond_Age_ — Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
As Bond movies have taught us, people who deal antiques and have unusual accents are up to NO GOOD. #Bond_Age_ — The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
What animal had to die for hat? #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@ThatAndyRoss The Mob always liked you best! #Bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent Stacey Sutton objects to anything being more annoying than her voice. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble I can’t help but wander how much he charges for mustache rides. #Bond_age_ — Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
Pharaoh likes to eavesdrop. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
The sketchy antique dealer is attempting to fob off his sarcophagus on the unwary. #Bond_Age_ pic.twitter.com/04OxGv0iOg
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@ThatAndyRoss They’re akin to pawn shops in the 1980s. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Georgie want to shoot. Georgie no get to shoot. Georgie sad. #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
My reboot of this will be “The Falkland’s Falcon.” #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble I guess I’m going to change my name so I can legally use “whippersnappers.” #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
Might as well face it, Mr. Palmer, you’re addicted to love. #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
“Stop talking across me as if I was a horse.” #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger #HoorayForExtinctColloquialisms — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Curious fact — J.W. Pepper’s original name was S.H. Saltine. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
“I’m not as old and decrepit as I look…” No, he’d have to be dead. #Bond_Age_
— The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
Odd fact, those buttons on her blouse were elephant testicles. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble The fedoras are all made from flattened emus. #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent I like stuff like this in part because it doesn’t force me to keep re-suspencing my disbelief. #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent Look, we agreed to accept for the purposes of the movie that Tom has a mustache! #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@ThatAndyRoss But who would flip your records? #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
The antiques dealer’s full name is Fritz Klaus von EvilGermanGuy. #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
Who do you think you are? Busting in here with that… hahaha…. that…. where did you get that hat? #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Do you like my hat? It’s a Aldabran Tortoise. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
In a later adaptation, Fritz Klaus von EvilGermanGuy will be played by Carl Reiner. #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
This is going to sound weird, but Tom looks pretty fine even in a bed gown… #Bond_Age_ pic.twitter.com/pukey37qs1 — The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
“I’ll drop by this evening and change the dressing. Hope you like 1,000 Island!” #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
Her broach is a butterfly dipped in gold. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
I think his mustache just deflected a bullet. #Bond_age_ — Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
That looks like my jar of spare Ikea parts. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
I wonder if I can start solving crimes by piecing together my Ikea bits. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Her current hat is 90% lobster parts. #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble Thanks! Maybe I should consider a career in millinery identification. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
And, now, for no apparent reason, we’ll go to a roller rink… #GodBlessThe1940s #Bond_Age_ — The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
Her handbag’s just made of cow. Just a cow. So nothing noteworthy. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Is her outfit made out of a picnic blanket? #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
I love, love, love the roller skating in suits, hats, dresses. Ah, the 40s! #BOND_AGE_ #FalconinDanger — Fussy (@MiddParent) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble same. I need a set. In men’s clothes I mean. #Bond_age_ — Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble oh, good point! #Bond_age_
— Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble I’m afraid it would clash with my beard. #Bond_age_
— Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
@CulturalGutter Missed opportunity for Diamonds Are Forever. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@GregMcCambley @007hertzrumble I like thinking of goons trying to sneak up on Connery during the adults-only skate. #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble @CulturalGutter “If God had wanted man to skate, Mr. Wint.” “He’d have given them brakes, Mr. Kidd.” #Bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
@CulturalGutter @007hertzrumble It eventually results in an all-night rollerskate battle for control of the world. #Bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
@GregMcCambley @CulturalGutter BAJA!?! BAJA?!?! I don’t own any all-night roller discos in BAJA!!!! #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
“A girl as lovely as intelligent as you are is bound to meet someone more suitable” Skaters in the free skate: “Whee!” “Yippee!” #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
About these cuckoo-bananas animal prints, the costumes were done by Renié, who later worked on the nutty Liz Taylor CLEOPATRA. #Bond_Age_
— The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
And so the 40s attempt at the Human Centipede comes to an end. #Bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Now we’ve come to the Scooby Doo portion of the evening. #Bond_Age_ — Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
I want an above lighted black and white picture of myself holding a cigarette. #FalconInDanger #Bond_age_ — Anna Morrison (@AnnaRenee) March 20, 2014
I am totally coveting Jean Brooks’s chic quasi-sombrero. #Bond_Age_ #ThingsINeverThoughtIdTweet
— The Nitrate Diva (@NitrateDiva) March 20, 2014
“How d’ya like that? You finally get a suspect and he turns up in the morgue.” Dead people are so inconsiderate. #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
“Hmm, my mustache senses are tingling!” #Bond_Age_ — Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
True fact: Mustaches give you super human reflexes. #Bond_age_ — Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent They even cut her off after one peach schnapps. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble Yay, what’s with the “you will drink coffee”??? #BOND_AGE_ #FalconinDanger
— Fussy (@MiddParent) March 20, 2014
@007hertzrumble When I play bridge, I like to wear my lucky dodo fascinator. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
Tomorrow Prince is gonna be a fashionable hat. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger — #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
That was a close call for the dog. She had that millinery look in her eye… #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
Note to self: build on dimly lit library to house… #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
Those are the unexpurgated versions of Shakespeare’s plays, with all the naughty bits intact. #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
Jason Robards is the once and future S.H. Palmer. #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
You know you can’t spell “shit” without S.H., S.H. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
“Just a guess” Like the Falcon ever “guesses” So humble and such a nice mustache. #BOND_AGE_ #FalconinDanger
— Fussy (@MiddParent) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent One suspects she’s being coded as Lesbian. #Bond_age_ #FalconinDanger — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
@MiddParent On the other hand, there is nothing subtle about the heterosexuality of the other ladies 🙂 #Bond_age_ — Cultura (@CulturalGutter) March 20, 2014
The voice of Homer Simpson hides behind the curtains. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Those flowers are actually filleted chicken livers. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
“No one can tame The Falcon, baby!” #Bond_Age_ — Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014
“You’ll get no arguments, m’dear. On your way!” #Bond_age_ — Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) March 20, 2014
No animals, other than the 72 that were killed, were harmed in the making of FALCON IN DANGER. #Bond_age_ #FalconInDanger
— #Bond_age_ (@007hertzrumble) March 20, 2014
Well, that’s all for me. I’m mustached out. #Bond_age_
— Trevor Jost (@tpjost) March 20, 2014
INTERMISSION #Bond_Age_
— Andy Ross (@ThatAndyRoss) March 20, 2014