On Wednesday, August 17th, we, the #Bond_age_ simpletons tackled the epic ZARDOZ in honor of Sean Connery’s 86th birthday. And when we say, we “tackled” ZARDOZ, I mean we confronted our mortality in the form of Rampling boobs, Sean Connery sweater fondling and penciled on evil overlord mustaches. We will never be the same.
INITIATE THE ZARDOZ LIVE TWEET DIGEST!
This is my favorite show at the Renfaire. He does so much with an eyebrow pencil. #Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/FuhPHZZrvY
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
@007hertzrumble He always wants to play Puck when Zardoz Community Theatre performs Midsummer Night’s Dream #Bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
It’s not often I say that I’m lost so soon into a movie, but I’m lost. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
A grim vision of a post-Brexit Britain #bond_age_ #brexit pic.twitter.com/7sbiovAfxm
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
Minor chords suggest super seriousness. #Bond_age_ #Zardoz
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Are you writing???? Writing also evil. Underline that one, then purify Brutals. #Bond_age_ https://t.co/yUKYr4kxTe
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
Sean just pulled a GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY on us. #Bond_age_ #Zardoz pic.twitter.com/aLyLc9XkRm
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Heads up, I will be lusting after Sean Connery for the ENTIRE movie. It will be disgusting, lewd & I WILL be ashamed of myself #Bond_Age_
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
@GregMcCambley The KICKS, man—he did it for the kicks. And the Underoos. #Bond_age_ #Zardoz
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
@GregMcCambley The KICKS, man—he did it for the kicks. And the Underoos. #Bond_age_ #Zardoz
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
Well it’s just like Sean Connery to bring a gun to an LSD fight. #Bond_age_
— BIT Riff (@BitRiff) August 18, 2016
I wish he would make so many different style choices. #Bond_Age_ https://t.co/wr7gfcFeF0
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
The “afraid of sex” American in me, is afraid right now. #ToplessChick on a horse. #Bond_Age_
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
My first husband’s name was Zedd. #Bond_age_ #Zardoz
— BangsyCat (@elizabethical) August 18, 2016
“Oh, Chrischt: they’re watching ‘Zardosch.'” #bond_age_ #zardoz pic.twitter.com/uiYknD8XOw
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
Hmm. She said “penetrated.” #Bond_age_ #Zardoz
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
“No Brutal has ever penetrated the Vortex.” Mmm-hm. #bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
#Bond_age_ #Zardoz pic.twitter.com/dAPsPrWdyG
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Sweater fondling. #Bond_age_ #Zardoz pic.twitter.com/7KzxMuG122
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
I wonder if anyone cosplays “Zardoz”? #Bond_Age_ #zardoz https://t.co/Zy2ZM9FQeL
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
I think #Zardoz shines most in this scene where Connery’s musky brutality contrasts the effete elites. Where it won me over! #Bond_age_
— The Duffer Daddies (@Valley_Gurl) August 18, 2016
“Underneath Zardoz’s gaze / Me honey and me can watch for de giant head…” #zardoz #Bond_age_ https://t.co/TrCEMigJ10
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
It’s like the Immortals live in the Internet, with all knowledge at their disposal, yet they’re still bored. Prescient #bond_age_ #zardoz
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
So…. you discuss it infinitely and without forward progress. It’s basically Twitter then? #Bond_age_ #Zardoz
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
“Bring out your bread!” *BONG!* “Bring out your bread!” #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Zardoz is beyond our conception of good / bad, silly / profound. #Bond_Age_ https://t.co/GQ0s54bD2H
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
This penis/stimlation video is just the sequel to YOUR TESTICLES AND YOU from Johnny Dangerously. https://t.co/k3JpXLHYmL #Bond_age_
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Even weird parallel dimensions understand the utility of female mud wrestling. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Zardoz is unmoved by their female mud-wrestling video. #bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
“Many hanged men died with erections.” But were they well-hanged? #bond_age_ #zardoz
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
Casting out the renegade. #bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/2zFtx4j8vb
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
@GregMcCambley They called him “renegade” until he died. You’re all caught up. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Allegory is happening. More allegory, I mean. #bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/K3gJ0nsXXW
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
There are so many cool ideas in #Zardoz that ALMOST work. The wacky technology. The sex. The body horror of a half old face! #bond_age_
— The Duffer Daddies (@Valley_Gurl) August 18, 2016
The secret to death is, not to live anymore. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Looks like they’re mid Macarena. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ https://t.co/bw77NQguQb
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
BETRAYAL #bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/6GePXxhOPi
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
This WIZARD OF OZ revelation blew me away during my first viewing. And then I realized I was still very confused. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Ease up. That shit is deep. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ https://t.co/buKK36xI0D
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
Rampling boob.#SHOT #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
All our Sean Connerys are grown hydroponically. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Me.
Right now.Don’t get this part.#Zardoz#Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/F1z60NjJYT
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
There ARE a good deal of boobs in #Zardoz! Perv Alert: I miss the days before implant ubiquity #Bond_age_
— The Duffer Daddies (@Valley_Gurl) August 18, 2016
It’s the genuine Sean Connery taste that makes the difference. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Me. Each time I think I successfully understood a point. #Bond_Age_ pic.twitter.com/kxtCMGWIVI
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
Ohhhh, how bacchanal! #Bond_age_
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
Connery’s sweat awakens the forgotten sensuality of the apathetic #Zardoz denizens #earthy #beefy @robdelaney #Bond_age_
— The Duffer Daddies (@Valley_Gurl) August 18, 2016
“I will take the bride. Death comes closer for us all.” #bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/lTSPIO7H67
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
Sean Connery had no issue wearing the red banana hammock, but resisted heavily the bridal gown. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
I miss Connery in a wedding dress already. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Almost forgot.
BOOBS.#Shot.#Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
I don’t think that’s actually possible. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ https://t.co/L9risZtNfR
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
@BitRiff What? No cucumbers? #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
#Hedonismbot covered by slaves with chocolate icing.
Friends, I give you “The Vortex” in one .gif#Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/KsKtUQxFz4
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
Between Perplexity and Zardoz lies Obsession. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Busy spreading the Connery cooties #bond_age_ #zardoz pic.twitter.com/TvN2n9iw2m
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
Psychic forehead labia crystal. #Bond_Age_ pic.twitter.com/PEvfwA3FKg
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
Good lord. If you keep spouting all this exposition, we might actually have a clue! Shut up, already! #Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/RES616gUKx
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
When one discusses Zardoz, one can’t forget his comic book equivalent, Vartox. #bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/tgWMguTxSC
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Sean Connery’s poorly concealed forearm tattoo is my aesthetic #Zardoz #Bond_age_
— The Duffer Daddies (@Valley_Gurl) August 18, 2016
So, according to this movie, life is just a series of penetrations. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
“Come into me. Come into the center of the crystal.” <snickering> #bond_age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
John Boorman’s DVD commentary said nothing about LSD. I’m skeptical. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
The Tabernacle in #Zardoz is like if your FB profile came to life and eclipsed you in the universe #Bond_age_
— The Duffer Daddies (@Valley_Gurl) August 18, 2016
Pretty sure I saw this exhibit at MOMA last year. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ pic.twitter.com/ueO6LK2iZ9
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
I’d laugh if in the midst of the learning montage, we heard someone reciting a “Perfect Strangers” script #bond_age_ #zardoz
— Foul Bay Hero (@foulbayhero) August 18, 2016
“You have found the flaw in the crystal. We are gone. You are alone.” “Yay?” #Bond_Age_
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
Sean hates these screen savers. #Bond_age_
— BIT Riff (@BitRiff) August 18, 2016
Tabernacle scene got me like…#Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/csfkIkrqNy
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
So all of humanity is now ready to die. Um, yay? #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
The Mortality Celebration. #Bond_Age_ pic.twitter.com/oGHX66HuAO
— Cultura (@CulturalGutter) August 18, 2016
Rampling boobs. #SHOh hell. Who cares. #Bond_age_ #ZARDOZ
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016
The good thing about this movie is I learned how unshakable my love for Sean Connery is…
We’re stronger now because it #Bond_age_
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
Well, great! They had one child! Humanity is saved! #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Wow. That was just plain weird. #bond_age_
— Canucklehead (@GregMcCambley) August 18, 2016
Dead lady #5 in this movie is all like…
“Hey no fair. I wanna die topless!”#Zardoz #Bond_age_
— TCM Millenial (@TyreeseSculley) August 18, 2016
DENIS! salutes Connery in a wedding dress and all the other stuff that happened that I can’t explain. #Bond_age_ pic.twitter.com/wf7Rxvlwj6
— The #Bond_age_ Guy (@007hertzrumble) August 18, 2016