This digest offers merely a sample the chaotic madness of the You Only Live Twice live tweet session. We were only four strong that night. But we held fast, embolded by the power of Slouchy Bond.
Holy shit! Two minutes to #Bond_age_ Get your #YOLT‘s FIRED UP!
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
I can’t see any space crap in Bond movies and not instantly recoil from memories of Moonraker. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
This intro is decidedly unsexy. Unless you have a lava fetish. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@007hertzrumble In <10 minutes, he will say: “Bond, James Bond” and completely ruin the point of faking his death. #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
PAPER WALLS. GOOD FOR ME TO JUMP THROUGH. ACTION! #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
…Bond’s first Japanese disguise teases more to come…
@007hertzrumble Size, skin tone, eyes…hairy knuckles? #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
Sumo. Check. Samurai sword. Check. Cue ninjas. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
This filing cabinet should conceal me nicely. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
I am going to use SEXIFUL in everyday conversation. All the time. “Watch out! That hedge is SEXIFUL!” #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
And it’s Benny Hill again. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
…we were surprisingly silent during the awkward whirlybird dog fight (perhaps in awe)… but soon returned to form when Bond was taken hostage, put on an airplane and “locked” into place, apparently, by a grade school desk…
@007hertzrumble She should have known that Bond was the master of dealing with a little wood. #YOLT
— Jennifer (@jennjaysleafs)
…but the live tweet soared when Bond joined the NINJA SCHOOL!
I told you there’d be NINJAS! #YOLT #JapaneseMovieBIngo
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
My new goal is to write a movie that will star @samuelljackson and get him to say: “This is my Ninja Training School.” #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
…these are perhaps only 10% of the gold tweets regarding Japanese Bond…
@theactualkeith @007hertzrumble Oh, god, Asian Sean Connery…
— Cultural Gutter (@CulturalGutter)
@jennjaysleafs It’s the hair. And the hair. And, I guess, the hair. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@007hertzrumble Ohhhh! The HAIR! I totally see it now!#YOLT
— Jennifer (@jennjaysleafs)
@007hertzrumble who is a foot taller than every other man on this island. #YOLT
— Vickie (@kcracken)
@kcracken He is hunching. A little. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
“Mr. Bond, to make you seem more ‘asian’ we’ve given you Mr. Spock’s haircut, and we ask that you always hunch over to seem shorter.” #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
…and now we return to our regularly scheduled madness… this next one about Bond’s future “wife.”
“She has a face of a pig.” “To hell with that idea.” Did that scene just happen? #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
Roald Dahl wrote this screenplay. He admitted to never taking it seriously and merely copying the formula of previous films. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
GROSSE POINTE BLANK ASSASSINATION TRICK!! #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
‘Ha ha ha. This man is an assassin sent to kill you. We do not know him. Come. Let’s have tea. Ha ha.” #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@jennjaysleafs This plot makes less sense than Goldfinger’s Fort Knox plan. At least we understand what Goldfinger wanted to do. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@theactualkeith @007hertzrumble Roger that…. #YOLT
— Jennifer (@jennjaysleafs)
…one more hair joke, eased us into the chaotic ninja assault of Blofeld’s volcano lair…
Oh no! The water will ruin his hair!!!! #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
THEY ARE NINJAS! I THOUGHT THEY WERE ROCKS! #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
Well, at least we know the ninjas are in fashionable grey. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@007hertzrumble This is EXACTLY what I was just thinking!! They are thugs, not ninjas!! #YOLT
— Jennifer (@jennjaysleafs)
THROWING STAR, MOTHERFUCKER. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
YUP! Bond just said “Exploder Button” Adding it to my @samuelljackson script now. #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
Blofeld’s scar migrates over his eye and then back again. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
Scar is back over the eye again. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@007hertzrumble There hasn’t even been that much sex for crying out loud!! #YOLT
— Jennifer (@jennjaysleafs)
@jennjaysleafs That satellite missile thingy was …just about… to get it on with that other satellite pod thingy before it blowed up. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
@007hertzrumble yeah…. That would have been HOT #YOLT
— Jennifer (@jennjaysleafs)
It is so clear to me why Sean Connery didn’t want to come back for the next movie. #YOLT
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)
…Bond dispatches a nameless, backstory-less SPECTRE henchman by dumping him in a pool of piranhas…
@007hertzrumble Maybe I forgot, but did Bond actually know the piranhas were in there? #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
@007hertzrumble And James Bond. He just let everyone else take care of shit. #YOLT
— Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith)
What a bizarrely unsexy Bond movie. #YOLT Say goodbye to Sean Connery for one movie, ladies and gents.
— 007hertzrumble (@007hertzrumble)