On Wednesday, December 7th, the #Bond_age_ ranks assembled to celebrate 4 years of #Bond_age_ live tweeting and the first SPECTRE live tweet. Though our opinions remain divided down the middle about this film, we proved, without a shred of doubt, that the only way to watch SPECTRE is with good company and plenty of twatter.
#Bond_age_ turns 4! It’s the #Bond_age_versary!
To celebrate the special occasion we’re finally live tweeting Spectre!
I know that probably seems counterintuitive considering my opinions about the film. After all, they’ve been well documented here and here and here and here. One official #Bond_age_ essay, a review, and two podcasts. That’s a whole lot of anti-Spectre material I’ve put out into the world. And that’s not even counting my anti-Sam Smith maniacal ravings. In a way, Spectre‘s been a gift to #Bond_age_. That “way” is backwards and convoluted and only makes sense in the world of online riffing, but it’s true. We’d become complacent here at #Bond_age_.
The Craig era has offered us — and opinions will differ, of course — one truly great and two solid entries into the 24-film canon. Even if you’re in an anti-Craig, Quantum, or Skyfall camp, you have to admit that there’s very little truly great fodder in that film for mockery or bemusement. There’s certainly no “These bubbles tickle my Tchaikovsky!” moments. This brings us to Spectre, a veritable cornucopia of missteps and narrative stupidity. Some may have been entertained, but entertained or not, I charge you with pointing out the film’s flaws and admitting to the world that shooting down a helicopter with a pee-shooter pistol from a speedboat is dumb. It’s just dumb!
I love to hate Spectre. And now we all get the chance to spew our affection and/or #facepalm and/or hatred onto the Interwebs with reckless abandon. I return to the notion that Spectre is a gift, not a curse. Though, perhaps it is both.
The last couple months at #Bond_age_ have brought our little live tweet organization some hardships. The #Bond_age_ family has had its share of loss and disappointment in 2016. As a result of some of these life interruptions and challenges, we’ve dropped from three hosts to one. The hosting duties have fallen squarely on me… and there have been some unfortunate gaps in programming as I’ve tried to keep up.
So that brings me to the heart-to-heart portion of this post. After #Bond_age_versary 4, I’ve considered hanging up the #Bond_age_ tuxedo. I pour so much of my time into this particular endeavor that many other things have suffered. In 2012, I fancied #Bond_age_ a brief 23-week respite from my then labored fiction-writing process. I’d worked on a novel for a year and I felt angry and frustrated.
The #Bond_age_ exercise turned into a 100,000 word manuscript and 200+ weeks later, here we are. We’ve live tweeted all Bond films at least three times (except Spectre, of course). 40+ Bond imposters. Selections from many of our favorite TV shows including The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Remington Steele and The Avengers. The entire series of The Prisoner. Plus some odds and ends. I don’t know if this counts as an “accomplishment” per say, but it feels like something.
#Bond_age_ has forged many new friendships — many of which extend beyond the realm of the online sphere. I’m grateful for each and every person that’s contributed to #Bond_age_ through live tweets and My Favorite #Bond_age_ writeups and even offhand conversations on Twitter. #Bond_age_ is #Bond_age_ because of you. I just keep the lights on.
Quite honestly, I don’t know what 2017 will bring for #Bond_age_. This year has been so disheartening on so many levels, personally and professionally. Over the next few weeks I’ll figure out the place James Bond and #Bond_age_ will have in our lives in 2017, but for right now I want to focus on this celebratory, commemorative, happy-time occasion. #Bond_age_ turns 4. That’s reason to celebrate and enjoy the moment…
…with the live tweet of Spectre, for all the goddamn marbles.
We live tweet SPECTRE, on Wednesday December 7th @ 9pm ET. Follow #Bond_age_ hashtag.
First, the necessary introduction, for old time’s sake.. This ditty about Spectre marks the 24th essay in a 23-part series about the James Bond cinemas. I encourage everyone to comment and join in the conversation.
Of [In]human #Bond_age_ #24: Spectre and Blofeld, the Villain Bond Can’t Quit
by James David Patrick
The title of this essay came before the essay itself. And of course it was a scene from Brokeback Mountain that initially inspired it. Jack Twist turns to Ennis Del Mar and tells him, “I wish I knew how to quit you.” Recreate that scene with James Bond and Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Let me help.
I hadn’t heard this song in a long time. “Sour Times” hails from album Dummy, released in 1994. I was obsessed with this record. That might be putting it mildly, however. I kept this album in my car until roughly 2002 — when my car, including my Portishead record was stolen. I got the car and my golf clubs back. Not so much the Portishead CD. I happened across “Sour Times” on XMU during my morning drive and I thought, “Holy shit that would be a great Bond song.” I tested it with a few of the slower, more methodical Bond titles but I liked it best with Spectre. I really wanted to finally match up something with For Your Eyes Only, but then I remembered why I’ve never matched anything with For Your Eyes Only — Sheena’s silly head singing along with the lyrics. C’mon Sheena. Down in front. Some of Portishead’s lyrics synced nicely with the Spectre visuals so I let it ride. The oddity here is that the credit sequence has a longer runtime than the song. I manipulated the pacing of specific sequences in the video for better overall timing. The result? Another blissfully Sam Smith-free version of the Spectre titles. It feels like low-hanging fruit to keep replacing Sam Smith, but I think you’ll agree that this specific replacement was well worth the effort.
Spectre Opening Titles Remixed with Portishead
Episode 15: #Bond_age_Pod Puts SPECTRE to Bed
James (@007hertzrumble), Krissy (@Krissy_Myers), Greg (@MisterGreggles) and Keith (@theactualkeith) try to put SPECTRE in some sort of historical context and take a final stand on all things SPECTRE. Souls are assuaged, bowels are purged, and Krissy sings the standards to make it all stop… FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY STOP! They also, as a warm up exercise, recast DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER with current, working actors. Teaser: John Waters directs and #Bond_age_ casts the first American-born James Bond.
Download: http://traffic.libsyn.com/thejamesbondsocialmediaproject/Bond_age_Pod15_3.mp3 (right click, save as)
James David Patrick (@007hertzrumble), proprietor of this here #Bond_age_ project, angry pitchfork-wielding villager.
Krissy Myers (krissy_myers), mistress of the night/crooner, #HoorayForSexism consultant.
Keith Bodayla (@theactualkeith), President of Accents R Us, Freudian fixation on Diamonds Are Forever.
Greg Sahadachny (@MisterGreggles), podcast professional by day, Richard Greico by night.
Music contained within:
“The James Bond Theme” – Monty Norman and John Barry
“What’s Your Name (Belgian Remix)” – Zinno
“It’s Martini Time” – The Reverend Horton Heat
“What the World Needs Now” – Burt Bacharach
“Higher and Higher” – Howard Huntsberry
Host segments originally recorded on March 14th, 2016.
Copyrights are owned by the artists and their labels. No f’ing money is made from this podcast.
Let us never speak of that other Spectre song ever again. Never. I’m not joking. That that guy was chosen over Lana Del Rey’s “24” is one of the great crimes against humanity. I’m only slightly exaggerating. This is a Bond song. This could have been one of the great Bond songs. Lana Del Rey’s vocals on “24” remind of Nancy Sinatra’s in “You Only Live Twice” but Lana doesn’t need the lush string orchestration to bail her out of the tough bits. Fan of #Bond_age_, James Tracey has kindly placed Lana Del Rey in her rightful place over the Spectre title credits. And for that we thank him.