You asked for James Bond Limericks? No? Well, you’ll wish you had.
An offhand Twitter comment about James Bond Limericks led to a flurry of Limericking among #Bond_age_ fans today. Below you will find the (ongoing) fruits of our labors.
@GregMcCambley
In the Living Daylights
we see an actor named Timothy.
He became Bond.
The public they yawned
and he left after two films, not three.
@GregMcCambley
Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd
Killing was all they did.
They went after Bond
but both got pwned.
One died by a flipped lid.
@echidnabot
There once was a dude called Chris Lee
Who numbered his mammaries three
Maud Adams was thrilled
After each man he killed.
Between deaths Nick Nack called out “Me!”
@p2wy
There once was a villain named Blofeld
whose villa was flooded by snowmelt
His dungeon was drenched
his henchmen wouldn’t flench
despite his best “Dr. No yell”
@p2wy, @kimmiechem2 & @007hertzrumble
There once was a Bond named Moore
whose actions one might deplore.
He starred in seven movies
and saw so many boobies
that you might call him a whore.
@kimmiechem2
Twas a gal named Domino
with face of lilywhite snow
vowed to avenge
François’s bitter end and so,
killed evil Largo
@filmchild
There was a young man named Roger
who referred obliquely to his todger.
The girls they came.
The villains were tame.
And Grace Jones refused to be his lodger.
@007hertzrumble
Bond adored a girl named Tanya
and said put this negligee on ya.
Then Red Grant boarded the train.
Their “romance” appeared in vain
until Red didn’t know his wine from Champagna.
@p2wy
There once was henchman named Jaws,
who almost had Bond in his claws.
He saved Bond in orbit
and splashed down to earth with
a buxom young blonde in his paws.
@TRWilcox
There once was a man named Lazenby,
who entered the franchise quite brazenly.
He grappled brilliantly with Kojak,
but did the audience to Connery go back?
They left George standing there holding his Dazenby