You asked for James Bond Limericks? No? Well, you’ll wish you had.
An offhand Twitter comment about James Bond Limericks led to a flurry of Limericking among #Bond_age_ fans today. Below you will find the (ongoing) fruits of our labors.
In the Living Daylights
we see an actor named Timothy.
He became Bond.
The public they yawned
and he left after two films, not three.
Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd
Killing was all they did.
They went after Bond
but both got pwned.
One died by a flipped lid.
There once was a dude called Chris Lee
Who numbered his mammaries three
Maud Adams was thrilled
After each man he killed.
Between deaths Nick Nack called out “Me!”
There once was a villain named Blofeld
whose villa was flooded by snowmelt
His dungeon was drenched
his henchmen wouldn’t flench
despite his best “Dr. No yell”
@p2wy, @kimmiechem2 & @007hertzrumble
There once was a Bond named Moore
whose actions one might deplore.
He starred in seven movies
and saw so many boobies
that you might call him a whore.
Twas a gal named Domino
with face of lilywhite snow
vowed to avenge
François’s bitter end and so,
killed evil Largo
There was a young man named Roger
who referred obliquely to his todger.
The girls they came.
The villains were tame.
And Grace Jones refused to be his lodger.
Bond adored a girl named Tanya
and said put this negligee on ya.
Then Red Grant boarded the train.
Their “romance” appeared in vain
until Red didn’t know his wine from Champagna.
There once was henchman named Jaws,
who almost had Bond in his claws.
He saved Bond in orbit
and splashed down to earth with
a buxom young blonde in his paws.
There once was a man named Lazenby,
who entered the franchise quite brazenly.
He grappled brilliantly with Kojak,
but did the audience to Connery go back?
They left George standing there holding his Dazenby